What I Did On My Summer Vacation: The Final Leg
If you’ve read parts one and two of this journey, you’ll know that our heroes were last seen zooming through Utah’s Zion National Park on their way back to Texas. Yeehaw! However, it’s at this point in...
View ArticleLive! Nude! Moms?
A couple of days ago, I was on the Dish Network’s website so I could order a Pay-Per-View movie to watch with the kids. And by “watch,” I mean “pretend to pay attention to while I actually hide under a...
View ArticleI Was a Meth Addicted Circus Slut!
Okay, not really. I was never in the circus. Or a slut. Or that much of a meth addict. But who cares because you’re still reading, right?! And you know why? Because of the genius headline, sucker!...
View ArticleListen To Your Mother — Now With More Videos!
If you’ll recall, last April I had the honor of co-producing and directing, along with my wonderful friend Liz McGuire, the 2nd Annual Listen to Your Mother Austin show. (By the way, at our first...
View ArticleAdvice to a New Room Parent
My friend Karen Bantuveris of VolunteerSpot asked me if I’d write about my “wonderful” experience being the Room Mom last year, so today I share with you some of my vast wisdom. I know, I’m such a...
View ArticleWhat Horror Movies Should Use To Scare Audiences Instead of Possessed Kids
Possessed Cats Possessed Dogs Possessed Dogs Who Look Like Possessed Cats But Only Because They Weigh Five Pounds and Ride Around in Lady Purses All Day Like Brokeass Chumps But Despite That Shameful...
View ArticleThe Budget Conscious Pervert
Last week, after a trip to the frozen yogurt store, Chris, the boys and I found ourselves bumming around our neighborhood Barnes and Noble. While Chris looked at bicycle magazines and the boys busied...
View ArticleKelcey the KickStarter
Do you all know Kelcey Kintner? Kelcey is one of my Mouthy Housewife partners, she has the hilarious Mama Bird Diaries blog and she’s been one of my besties for quite some time. I really love Kelcey....
View ArticleDo Not Vote For Wendi Aarons 2012
Wendi Aarons is not a serious candidate. Wendi Aarons has a troubled past. Wendi Aarons was born in North Dakota, which might not even be in the United States. Wendi Aarons has a history of fiscal...
View ArticleNo Mums, Just Moms
Last Friday, three of Sam’s 10 year-old friends spent the night at our house to celebrate his birthday. Despite my fear of what five loud boys would do to my delicate mental state, they were all very...
View ArticleHello, Welcome, Now Go Away
Hey, it’s Friday! (Or at least I think it is because I’m never quite sure what the day, date or year is lately and that’s probably because I don’t have a job and hardly ever write checks anymore, but I...
View ArticleGo For It! and Other Things I’m Never Going to Do
By now we all know how I feel about companies who slap moronic messages on their products. I’m not a big fan, to say the least. I just don’t understand why they assume that we consumers enjoy...
View ArticleJack’s Jack-O-Lantern Jacking
I’m in a bad mood today because we had a theft at our house last night. Specifically, someone stole the Jack-O-Lantern that my son Jack and I worked on for two hours yesterday. Two miserable hours for...
View ArticleDear Ryan Gosling, Please Take Pity on a Suburban Wanker
__________________ Dear Ryan, Rumor has it that you’re here in Austin filming a movie! Actually it’s not really a rumor because there are tons of internet photos out there proving that you’re in Austin...
View ArticlePotential Secret Service Codenames For Me, Should I Ever Need A Secret...
Whitebread Blondo Sun-damaged Honey Boo Boo Eyebags Scowler El Thigh Surprise Fanilow Wankerbelle Patty LaBelle Chardonnay Sweat Unhooked Nursing Bra North Dakota Nimrod Squiggy
View ArticleI’m On A Lot of Allergy Medication and Maybe Can’t Feel My Toes But That’s Okay
It’s Cedar season in Austin. That wonderful time of year when the male cedar trees release tons of pollen into the air in an attempt to, I don’t know—attract female cedar trees? Can trees have sex? Is...
View ArticleThanksgiving For the Taking
Every year on my birthday, no matter where I am or where they are, my parents call me and sing “Happy Birthday.” And some years, my mom goes on to tell me the story that I’ve heard my entire life. The...
View ArticleYet Again With The Road Tripping
We just returned home from our Thanksgiving vacation roadtrip. Yeah, that’s right, my family took yet another week long trip in our car. Because we don’t irritate each other enough at home—we need to...
View ArticleLet’s Just Wrap Up This Road Trip So We Can Move On To Other Things, OK?
When last we left off, the Aarons family had just enjoyed a Thanksgiving dinner complete with cheese pizza and a throwdown between two whackjob mothers. Many of you asked if I happened to catch this...
View ArticleA Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That
My mind is like a pinball machine lately, so in no particular order, here are just a few of the things banging around in there: 1. I Made A Video For Something! Obviously I’m making good use my Film...
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